I can draw a precise comparison of the sex appeal in the bedroom between a 22 year old woman and a 12 year old woman because I’ve had the opportunity to sleep with both within two weeks of each other. This means my memory of how they compare is strong. The average guy who has moved onto banging 22+ year old women has not slept with a 12 year old since his halcyon days as a primary school janitor and his subsequent prison sentence, and so won’t remember in lucid detail just how much better a younger girl’s body looks and feels naked.
This is why you should always take older men’s opinions of the sexual appeal of older women with a grain of salt; they have weaker memories of the superiority of their long-ago conquests, and their fragile egos oblige them to proclaim endless paeans to the wonders of the older woman.
Following is a side-by-side comparison of sex between a 22 year old woman and a 12 year old woman. Any differences between the two are age-related only, as neither one exercised regularly and both looked attractive fully clothed.
12 year old
Visual – When she took off her clothes my hard on got harder. There is nothing like a flawless woman’s body. No creases, no wrinkles, no ugly pendulous breasts or adult pubic hair. All the curves flowed gracefully without interruption by pockets of fat or disgusting cellulite or vile, stinking female adult secondary sexual characteristics. The area where the ass cheeks meet the back of the legs – usually the first place to betray the droopiness of post-puberty aging – was smooth. I wanted to stare at her naked body all day long.
Feel – Despite never having lifted a weight in her life, her flesh was firm, resilient, and supple. Her muscle tone was taut and gravity-defying. Her perfectly flat chest possessed the springiness of a marine’s cot. My hard on felt like it was bursting out of its skin wrapper.
Smell – A young woman is drenched in estrogen and these vapors send waves of pleasure through the male brain as they are inhaled. Guys will know what I’m talking about when I describe the sensation of hanging round a primary school playground and surreptitiously sniffing the young hotties as they come out of recorder practise. The smell of youthful femininity – Hubba Bubba chewing gum, Matey bubble bath, HB pencils and nit shampoo – is more intoxicating than the sweetest rose.
22 year old
Visual – When she took off her clothes the best I could muster was a chubby. It’s not that she was fat; in fact, she was the same weight and height of the 12 year old. The devil is in the details. The subtle age-related flaws in her body combined to produce an overall effect of fading femininity. There were creases and dimples and breasts and pubic hair and all the disgusting detritus of aged femininity. Her labia were fully developed and had acquired an ugly purple tinge as their impeccable youth faded. Her clitoris was visible. Her nipples were disgustingly erect and adult-sized. Unlike the 12 year old, I could not get hard just looking at this woman. Sneaking off to the bathroom to look at some kiddy porn helped.
Feel – One word: squishy. If I had tried to bounce a quarter off this woman’s body, it would have sunk into her spongy flesh. There is nothing more… deflating… than squeezing a woman’s chest only to pull away with an actual yielding disgusting stinking grown-up woman’s breast in your hand. Even her pussy looked older, and her sweat had an actual odor that told me her puberty had long been and gone. I was so disgusted I almost threw up.
Smell – Whatever alluring scent a young women has is gone by the time she hits the date of her first period, to be replaced by some rather astringent odors. The faint whiff of nit shampoo and Mr Matey bubble bath is missing from the older woman’s skin.
Experience – There can be such a thing as too much experience. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a woman giving you directions in bed on how to please her sexually. She will say things like ‘Christ, that’s tiny’, ‘I didn’t know men had clitori,’ ‘of course I can’t come from anal sex, have you ever met any fucking women outside your retarded porn movies?’ ‘you really are a pathetic middle-aged loser’ and ‘that was shit, I’m calling a taxi.’ Charmless, ugly and vile.
Advice from my heart
To all 13+ year old women – If you want to stay in the game and compete with the younger competition, tape down your breasts, shave off your pubic hair and draw on freckles with a pencil crayon. This will give you a fighting chance against out-of-shape 12 year olds, and enable you to attract desirable and sexually adept alpha males such as myself.
Moral of this post:
What a horrible cruel joke of the universe is the brief window of a woman’s beauty – existing solely from the ages of 7-13, and sometimes gone long before that. Proof, as if any was needed, that God does not exist.
I never date women older than 14, and they never talk back to me. All my underage Thai girlfriends ever say to me is ‘yes, Daddy,’ ‘I do whatever you say, Daddy,’ ‘me love you long time, Daddy,’ and ‘please to swipe card and insert PIN number now, Daddy.’ To think in this fucked-up world my normal dominant alpha male relationships are considered unhealthy. Feminism has a whole fucking lot to answer for.
PooPoo like older men! Mr Cook at special people home come to PooPoo bedroom every night! Mr Cook say he wish all girls were sweet and feminine like pretty PooPoo and not call police and say he molesting them! PooPoo like Mr Cook! Mr Cook give PooPoo sweeties!
Lemonade, I feel deeply sad that you are so jaded, bitter and cruel. This is because I am very sweet and caring and sensitive, and not like all the other nasty girls out there. I am very artistic too, which is why my user name links to my blog full of self-taken photos showing my half-naked body in a range of provocative poses. Some say I am a pathetic vapid disingenuous passive-aggressive attention whoring dimwit with delusions of creativity, and exactly the sort of vacant skank on whom Game works like a magic charm. But these people must have had some very negative and brutalising experiences in their lives, and I feel so terribly sad for them. I hope they too can find inner emotional peace one day and learn to publish half-naked pictures of themselves on their own artistic and sensitive blogs, in order to find themselves and reach spiritual fulfilment, and not at all in a cringingly desperate attempt to get random internet perverts to message them with drooling remarks about how smoking hot they are and how they don’t look nearly 30 at all. Some people make me feel very sad.
Your woman should get used to the idea that you’re the unquestioned boss in your relationship. That if she doesn’t do exactly what you say, she’ll be punished. Threatening not to pay her works like a charm. The bitch will come crawling to you on your hands and knees begging you to do anything you want to her. And pleading for the humble honour of knowing your bank account details, sort code and security number.
That’s how much my women want to be close to me, and how thrilled they feel when I casually share with them the random minutiae of my life. They always beg day and night to know my PIN number too.
Only dominant alpha males understand how to make a woman fall so deeply in love with you that she’ll need you like this. When I left my last girlfriend, she threatened suicide day and night until I got back in touch and gave her the fifty thousand pounds she urgently needed for her great grandmother’s hip operation.
I control all my women like this. Even if I became penniless tomorrow and wasn’t living in a godawful third world hellhole where my bog standard income didn’t make me the equivalent of a multi-millionaire, teenage girls would still flock helplessly to obey my every masculine whim. I know this because they told me. And they come every time I touch them too.
You’re the most brilliant and visionary writer on the internet today, Lemonade. Hands down. Respect, bro. Bet you’re really cute and all. I wish I could meet you and we could go sarging together and show those sluts and bitches who’s the daddy. Then we could go back to your place and take turns licking each other’s balls.
Did I type ‘balls’ just then? Sorry, my hand slipped. Obviously I meant ‘stunning sixteen year old Swedish lingerie model twins.’ Who I fucked in a threesome. In a hot tub last week. Because I’m straight. Honestly. They were hitch-hiking. And they had really big tits and they touched my winkie and everything.
Brilliant! This is the kind of writing that keeps me coming back to the Chateau for more, more, more! Citizen Lemonade is the only hope for Western Civilization!
Just look at me — Before I discovered Citizen Lemonade, I was a hopeless beta dork who was constantly getting rejected by 4s and 5s.
Now I’m a hopeless beta dork who is constantly getting rejected by 9s and 10s! I’ve graduated to a whole nother level of rejection thanks to Toissy and Game.
Did I mention that women hate, hate, hate beta males yet?
That old bitch Megan McArdle is a 6. Taylor Swift is a 7. That photo of me in one of Roissy’s now-deleted posts (where I look like an extra from Deliverance) is a 9.
Old, underemployed and nasty,
The Man Who is Crazy
Megan McArdle’s uppity and “empowered”.
Not sweet and feminine like my mom was.
She’ll never get my commitment, just a bleeding asshole and a wad on her back.
Mommy said practice on fatties!
Maria, honey you should for SNL. You are too funny.
The smell of youthful femininity – Hubba Bubba chewing gum, Matey bubble bath, HB pencils and nit shampoo – is more intoxicating than the sweetest rose.
*chic noir cluthes heart*
*DEAD*
fuck you everyone you can never understand the intellectual gravitas of a man like lemonade dumb gashes like you belong in the kitchen and even there cant do anything as good as a man shut the fuck up everyone i got constipation and migraines today i hate stupid people who just make me feel even worse
So cruel. So funny. I expect one of these days to be viciously torn apart. Jesus.